A Ramble...??

yep this is most probably a ramble! You guys ever felt like you needed to slap someone to wake them up and make them realise that this is real...that this is actually happening and that there is something wrong...or ever felt really out of it..like you dont belong anywhere? that you have to make these decisions that could really affect you and once you make them,there's no turning back? or that time was flying by too fast, that you were meeting people and forgetting their names...that days were going by without you knowing what was said? ever wanted someone so badly..but never knew what they really wanted so you gave up on liking him/her because "you didnt have a chance"...? ring a bell anyone? ever started crying and couldn't stop until you had no more tears to spare..and thought you were being stupid until you realised that those are the tears representing the past week? ever felt that you wanted to be normal? and not reach some high standards that everyone expects you to? ever wanted to be just you, no questions asked?

well this is me guys..these are all the feelings,tears,wants,needs that i can offer really...
whoever read through it all deserves a hug :)

We're weekend survivors..they're survivors for as long as they live...

These is the real thing in Nairobi....
and this is us trying to experience what is normal for millions of people around the world...

It worked out quite well, living on rice and lentils for the weekend, drinking water, sleeping in slums, living in one outfit, no deodorant, hoping our slum won't be broken down during the night...creating our own ball games by rolling paper to make a ball, bible studies, discussions etc.,

I must admit, there were times when my pride got the best of me..by being shy of the way i look around bay street etc., but overall the experience was great, we really stuck together through it all!

Referring to the title of this blog, I was thinking, it's true, we survived the weekend, it's great!But what about the people who think of the weekend as another daily challenge, to find a piece of bread or some drinking water?On Saturday we kept reminding ourselves that we'l be eating "tomorrow", but for them there is no tomorrow...They're ones to be called real survivors! Wish there was more I could do, but for now the little things count, then if I'm meant to, I'll help some of these survivors hands-on! (just a dream)

Moving on,
So, Christmas is round the corner, and I really want this Christmas to be different to the rest, I want to do something great, I just have no idea what hehe

NYE is so blank atm, no clue what we're doing yet..not going to some hamallu party where the countdown isn't even heard xD I'd rather stay home!!!

What am I looking forward to this week?

My date wit vicky on friday :)
My stipend&pay
Finding out how much money we collected this weekend!

Anyway, that's all for me,blessings and have a good day at school tomorrow guys =P I'm staying home haha

A rolling marble...

Hey guys

so funnily enough my last blog came in handy, because I decided that my days were passing without me having time to reach out and pack my ruler...not because I had no time,but because I realised I was placing other things as first priority...and I didn't realise until negative thoughts started popping in to my head, i was in a bad mood and all that...and i was in the library,panicking for a biology test until I said: "Okay, that's it,I need a bible." My friend kept looking at me and asked why a bible would help me, so I explained xD he watched me get some old torn down Jerusalem one,and just flip through it...and I found this in Nehemiah...

"The God of heaven will give us success."

that's my favourite quote, its just i like to perfect the little things,and i believe in success...and sometimes it backfires and leaves me feeling like a real loser,who's not good at anything.
but really I'm not a loser...I'm Gods beautiful marble,who keeps rolling out of his hand,and even though His hand stays there,open, waiting for me to roll back to safety, I decide to keep rolling on, bumping into stones and getting stepped on...so that's me atm, a rolling marble...trying to roll back, I think?

I'm in my rebel stage,where I get tempted to think negative,do the wrong things etc., so basically Im a really struggling marble..

We were in english today,reading the literature book: Of Mice And Men. There was a part which described how these two guys, lennie and john decided to eat beans, and sleep in the dark, on the grass because they liked it, and knew if they went to the ranch,they would hv to work harder. So it got me thinking, have we settled for beans, and grass and darkness? Why? Because it's easier that way...But why should we settle for grass when we could work harder, and get eternal light and a 5-course meal? =)
So,whatever it is,think before you do something,the easier path is the never the best!
Take care guys, god bless xxx
listen to this song,its great!

Are You Using A RULER?

Have you ever found yourself in the situation where you need to draw a straight line, but you forgot your ruler at home? I get really frustrated when it happens to me...I end up using a paper or a copybook,but somehow the pencil moves up and down,and my hand starts to shake and it just doesn't work out...ever felt like that?

It's the same with God, how many times have we tried to go through something without Him, because we think we're too independent or maybe because we think we can handle it...maybe we prefer doing it OUR way...
well wake up with me guys...we need our little plastic ruler,just as we need our real ruler...the ruler of the world =)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths STRAIGHT."
Proverbs3:5-6

Is school getting too much? chemistry,maths, physics, biology or English tests this week? Private lessons,ballet rehearsals?Meetings?Organising an important event?Work?University?

Whatever it is, try carry your ruler around with you...wake up 15 minutes earlier to open your bible and say good morning to God, spend a free in the library journalling,or go say a 2 minute hello to God in the chapel...that's what I mean by carrying your ruler with you! Never say you're too busy;

"But I call to God,
and the LORD saves me.

Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice."

Psalm55:16-17.

Something from my bible;

Public prayer is against the law in public schools in the United States.But private prayer cannot be legislated against or banned and is your right. You can pray privately,and you can live your Christian life openly in your public school.

You can't get away from stress completely. Some stress is good for you. But don't punish yourself. Do what you can to relieve some of the pressure. And about those things you can't change...

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty...I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13.

Have a good week =) God bless you all xxx

We are His people!!

Hey guys,

just came back from a great treasure hunt in Mdina..and obviously group 4 came first =) hehe joking..but we did win, and I must say I'm quite satisfied!so thanks to all..

So regarding the title, i guess what I shared last meeting seemed to touch me more when I actually said it out loud. And its so beautiful, to see everyone proclaim that we are His people...what I've been praying is that one day, all the world will be standing in awe of God,and proclaiming that too...seems impossible? It's not..it's supposed to be normal, it's supposed to be something you can say any day,any time...but unfortunately its not something you would exactly hear someone shouting out randomly in the street hehe.
You know what worries me? When the world comes to an end and Jesus comes to save HIS people...are we all going to convert because its a must? Because if we don't, we'll die? So whoever is reading this, if you know you still have to take that step to deepen your relationship with God, if you know there's that wrong vice in your life, if you have a bad attitude or if you simply never prayed or believed, will you take this step with me?
I honestly just feel so full of God, so fired up, that I just need to move about, or pray or praise God for who He is, for who HE will always be..because guys, This Is Our God!
wrote this now rly randomly..not a poem, just whats on my heart..

Someday its gonna happen
the world's gna say it
its gonna give in

im yours god,
im a jesus person
and u know what?
im proud..
im proud to be who u called me to be,
i can say it, I am yours alone,
To the rest of the world, will you say it with me?
is today the day lord?
or is it a last minute decision?
will you wait a second longer?
'Cos theres no better time than now
so we'll say it, sing it,
shout it,proclaim it,
cry it, scream it,
fight it,pray it...

We Are Your People....

Gotta be Somebody..

That's the title of Nickelback's new song. Thank you Elaine for sharing the song with me =)

As sweet and cute and romantic as the words are.. I'm taking the godly perspective xD

So I`ll be holdin’ my breath
Right up to the end
Until that moment when
I find the one that I'll spend forever with

are we holding our breath till we meet God?
Are we trying to stay strong?
Are we doing all we can?
Can you look back on your week and be proud of at least one thing?
What are you disappointed about?
Can it be fixed?

HOLD YOUR BREATH GUYS!if you know you're going to hurt the person by saying something, hold your breath, don't say it..
if you're going in a dark room with a guy, hold your breath...and leave...
if someone offers you drugs and u dont want to seem like a baby...hold your breath..say no anyway..its worth it.
If you know you're about to do something like smoke,gossip,criticise, judge etc....hold your breath and stop...

Someone to love with my life in their hands.
There`s gotta be somebody for me like that.

Who you thinking about? A guy..a girl? ye fine ure allowed to be soppy and cute....but whoever wrote this has someone missing in their life....God! Our life is in His hands...He's in control...you know what that means?
WE DONT NEED TO WORRY ABOUT ANYTHING =)
But we need to pray about everything, even if its not so important to you, it is to God....give God everything...I personally think he's very well organised=P

And finally,
You can´t give up!
When you're Lookin´ for a diamond in the rough

Whatever it is, however impossible it seems, keep going, have faith...cos that diamonds gna shine through one day...could be tomorrow or in 1o years time...dont give up :)

Now enough about my currently most played song hehe...

Basically my future is pretty blurry atm, dont know where im going at the moment, but i think its ok..cos Gods got it all planned out and I just hv to wait =) but prayers could be helpful hehe

Conference was pretty good..got a very positive outcome, and I'm sure everyone appreciated the comments and pats on the back...and honestly I really saw God helping us through it, rob and tine were great..elaine read great...and oh it was so perfect cos we were all doing it for God and no one else!

Should I shut up now? yes....hehe anyway everyone do hold your breath this week, not literally ok? I wouldnt rly like to be the cause of ppl suffocating to death =P
God bless you all xxxxxx

A family =)

hey guys

totally different post from the previous one. but before I begin I would really like to thank you all for your comments and discussions etc xD

Just got home from a Y4J meeting..I must say one of the best...does this mean I jumped and laughed because life is so perfect? *never gna happen-life is never perfect :P)

NOPE,

total opposite...I let out all last weeks emotions,the ones u push down cos people at school cant see u in that state..or because its too stupid to talk about or maybe because you're just naturally closed up...well maybe then u know what I'm talking about.
It started off with me being restless at the very beginning of this weekend,I couldn't socialise well,I wanted to be alone,loss of appetite etc...but today i couldn't take it.i convinced myself to go to y4j to praise, and overcome my UN-sociable mood...but when i got there i couldn't even worship!i had too much on my heart. but luckily for me (and for others =P) god knew what i would feel,and he couldn't bear seeing me (or you) so restless..so he sent a good friend of his...a priest xD I was the first one to go in side Fr.Cefai's room..I closed the door and sat down, and this is how it basically went;

Priest; What would you like to confess?
Me; nothing,I mean, no, you see, I think i want to talk.

embarrassing much?i could have spoken to him for forever,but people awaited his presence,so he sent me off renewed, i actually did confess in the end xD

does dis now mean i was happy cos of my perfect life?

no once again xD

I think i managed to worship too much after my "confession"...like theres such a thing of too much worship, but what i mean to say is that my mind went from me imagining Jesus letting me rest on him, to Him picking up the Eucharist in adoration and smiling!Insomma point being, its OK to not be so hyper after a y4j meeting!feeling worried?left out?your friends leave st.Michael's feeling so hekk cos God touched their hearts and you didn't FEEL* him? Good for them...but u know its OK to go home and have another cry in your own privacy, God could be touching your heart, but He might start from whats stopping you from being loved by Him. Too confusing? I'll explain further; * You not feeling anything doesn't mean He's not touching your heart*

lets take a flower OK? a flower with dead leaves on its stem and some dead petals.then take another flower which is okay,maybe a few scars here and there but on the whole okay. If I had to take care of these flowers and make them look the best they can, which would I manage to take care of without hurting it?

The one with scars...cos I just need to patch up some scars and start working on just giving it water and vitamins,while the other flower would need to be cleaned well first,maybe taking off a petal (god wants you to stop staying with that friend for good reasons) maybe he needs to take off a leaf too, (smoking?drinking?self harm?anorexia?bulimia?self pity?complaining a bit too much?..)
so that flower is gna feel the cleaning a bit more. But its okay,cause no matter how long it takes, God is treating us equally but, is just tackling us individually, because we are individuals xD think i made it more confusing aye xD

So coming to the point of the title,
after Y4J i just said that I'll be going home, and someone asked why, so I explained that i don't feel like socialising with friends and he just says: we're not friends,we're your family.

It really struck me..I mean I have a family ta, when I hurt, someone hurts with me, when I laugh someone laughs with me and the chain goes on. This is us, this is who we're meant to be....couldn't love you all more xxx

sorry if i bored you, blessings,
Amy xxx