Time to settle down :)

hey guys

sorry for the really maybe, too honest post,but i needed to get it off my chest..
hope you're all okay,and that life is treating you well! I think slowly I'm realising things,life is becoming clear slowly, and it's great...I still have loads to disagree with,but it's no point,it's not going to get me anywhere :)

So today, during my never ending frees, I realised that as amazing and complex as the brain is, its evil.It can cause self-destruction,it's the one part of the body that can cause self-destruction and be blamed: "Dont worry,its all in the brain" It's funny, our brain can cause us to total madness one day..sort of like back stab us...haha moving on!!

School isn't getting easier or anything, and sometimes some people can really bring us down and make it harder to cope, but you know what I'm keeping in mind? A phrase I heard in a film;
No one gets to decide how I feel...

And it's true, and I'm trying to adapt that phrase,and make it my logo or whatever..you should try it!

I'm off to england in 18 days, and I am way too excited!Leaving Malta for a week, you know how good that sounds at the moment? :) Everyone needs their time off...this is mine!

Sorry this post wasn't one of support or encouragment..just my update,and thoughts of the week.
Just a few photos that were taken throughout a great afternoon in Mdina :)

a much needed update!

hey guys

illa its been ages since ive blogged,so much has happened and stayed the same!

As people grow,they think, discuss, observe,think twice and have to decide under pressure...
I'm growing, not cause its my bday soon, but you know if ure growing inside..you just know..and well I know im growing,cos im thinking,observing and deciding for myself and not letting others decide for me. We tend to do that as people,we tend to rely on others too much,we tend to be scared of our choice,well we shouldn't, im not, im doing this my way.

Am I confusing you?

anyway, im living for me and not for anyone else, because what i do is my choice, and I'm sick of others trying to be a parent when they're not, especially if they're my age..they think they're so grown up and better than the rest..well they're not, because we're all the same, whether ure on the youth team or on admin, or just a member of y4j, or someone who doesnt go to y4j, to the extent of someone who's an athiest...we are all the same so i would just wish if everyone could get off their high horse and shut up!The looks, the 'it seems like u need prayers', they're absolute crap...we all need prayers and you dont go telling someone you think they need prayers,cos its rude...I mean what, and you dont?

so right, i need my space, i need a break, but no one has any right to think my relationship with god is going down or something happened to me, i mean what the hell? if i needed help i would ask for it, so whoever is reading this, no offence, just know that even if u raise your hands in praise, and u might not smoke,or have sex, there are individuals out there who are better than all of us put together, so its not a competition..and if it is for you, sorry to burst your bubble,
but the game is over...

this was totally in general,so dont go round saying "im sure she meant that for me"...
anyway, god bless you all, and gws vicky xxxxx

A Ramble...??

yep this is most probably a ramble! You guys ever felt like you needed to slap someone to wake them up and make them realise that this is real...that this is actually happening and that there is something wrong...or ever felt really out of it..like you dont belong anywhere? that you have to make these decisions that could really affect you and once you make them,there's no turning back? or that time was flying by too fast, that you were meeting people and forgetting their names...that days were going by without you knowing what was said? ever wanted someone so badly..but never knew what they really wanted so you gave up on liking him/her because "you didnt have a chance"...? ring a bell anyone? ever started crying and couldn't stop until you had no more tears to spare..and thought you were being stupid until you realised that those are the tears representing the past week? ever felt that you wanted to be normal? and not reach some high standards that everyone expects you to? ever wanted to be just you, no questions asked?

well this is me guys..these are all the feelings,tears,wants,needs that i can offer really...
whoever read through it all deserves a hug :)

We're weekend survivors..they're survivors for as long as they live...

These is the real thing in Nairobi....
and this is us trying to experience what is normal for millions of people around the world...

It worked out quite well, living on rice and lentils for the weekend, drinking water, sleeping in slums, living in one outfit, no deodorant, hoping our slum won't be broken down during the night...creating our own ball games by rolling paper to make a ball, bible studies, discussions etc.,

I must admit, there were times when my pride got the best of me..by being shy of the way i look around bay street etc., but overall the experience was great, we really stuck together through it all!

Referring to the title of this blog, I was thinking, it's true, we survived the weekend, it's great!But what about the people who think of the weekend as another daily challenge, to find a piece of bread or some drinking water?On Saturday we kept reminding ourselves that we'l be eating "tomorrow", but for them there is no tomorrow...They're ones to be called real survivors! Wish there was more I could do, but for now the little things count, then if I'm meant to, I'll help some of these survivors hands-on! (just a dream)

Moving on,
So, Christmas is round the corner, and I really want this Christmas to be different to the rest, I want to do something great, I just have no idea what hehe

NYE is so blank atm, no clue what we're doing yet..not going to some hamallu party where the countdown isn't even heard xD I'd rather stay home!!!

What am I looking forward to this week?

My date wit vicky on friday :)
My stipend&pay
Finding out how much money we collected this weekend!

Anyway, that's all for me,blessings and have a good day at school tomorrow guys =P I'm staying home haha

A rolling marble...

Hey guys

so funnily enough my last blog came in handy, because I decided that my days were passing without me having time to reach out and pack my ruler...not because I had no time,but because I realised I was placing other things as first priority...and I didn't realise until negative thoughts started popping in to my head, i was in a bad mood and all that...and i was in the library,panicking for a biology test until I said: "Okay, that's it,I need a bible." My friend kept looking at me and asked why a bible would help me, so I explained xD he watched me get some old torn down Jerusalem one,and just flip through it...and I found this in Nehemiah...

"The God of heaven will give us success."

that's my favourite quote, its just i like to perfect the little things,and i believe in success...and sometimes it backfires and leaves me feeling like a real loser,who's not good at anything.
but really I'm not a loser...I'm Gods beautiful marble,who keeps rolling out of his hand,and even though His hand stays there,open, waiting for me to roll back to safety, I decide to keep rolling on, bumping into stones and getting stepped on...so that's me atm, a rolling marble...trying to roll back, I think?

I'm in my rebel stage,where I get tempted to think negative,do the wrong things etc., so basically Im a really struggling marble..

We were in english today,reading the literature book: Of Mice And Men. There was a part which described how these two guys, lennie and john decided to eat beans, and sleep in the dark, on the grass because they liked it, and knew if they went to the ranch,they would hv to work harder. So it got me thinking, have we settled for beans, and grass and darkness? Why? Because it's easier that way...But why should we settle for grass when we could work harder, and get eternal light and a 5-course meal? =)
So,whatever it is,think before you do something,the easier path is the never the best!
Take care guys, god bless xxx
listen to this song,its great!

Are You Using A RULER?

Have you ever found yourself in the situation where you need to draw a straight line, but you forgot your ruler at home? I get really frustrated when it happens to me...I end up using a paper or a copybook,but somehow the pencil moves up and down,and my hand starts to shake and it just doesn't work out...ever felt like that?

It's the same with God, how many times have we tried to go through something without Him, because we think we're too independent or maybe because we think we can handle it...maybe we prefer doing it OUR way...
well wake up with me guys...we need our little plastic ruler,just as we need our real ruler...the ruler of the world =)

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him,and he will make your paths STRAIGHT."
Proverbs3:5-6

Is school getting too much? chemistry,maths, physics, biology or English tests this week? Private lessons,ballet rehearsals?Meetings?Organising an important event?Work?University?

Whatever it is, try carry your ruler around with you...wake up 15 minutes earlier to open your bible and say good morning to God, spend a free in the library journalling,or go say a 2 minute hello to God in the chapel...that's what I mean by carrying your ruler with you! Never say you're too busy;

"But I call to God,
and the LORD saves me.

Evening, morning and noon
I cry out in distress,
and he hears my voice."

Psalm55:16-17.

Something from my bible;

Public prayer is against the law in public schools in the United States.But private prayer cannot be legislated against or banned and is your right. You can pray privately,and you can live your Christian life openly in your public school.

You can't get away from stress completely. Some stress is good for you. But don't punish yourself. Do what you can to relieve some of the pressure. And about those things you can't change...

"I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty...I can do everything through him who gives me strength."
Philippians 4:11-13.

Have a good week =) God bless you all xxx

We are His people!!

Hey guys,

just came back from a great treasure hunt in Mdina..and obviously group 4 came first =) hehe joking..but we did win, and I must say I'm quite satisfied!so thanks to all..

So regarding the title, i guess what I shared last meeting seemed to touch me more when I actually said it out loud. And its so beautiful, to see everyone proclaim that we are His people...what I've been praying is that one day, all the world will be standing in awe of God,and proclaiming that too...seems impossible? It's not..it's supposed to be normal, it's supposed to be something you can say any day,any time...but unfortunately its not something you would exactly hear someone shouting out randomly in the street hehe.
You know what worries me? When the world comes to an end and Jesus comes to save HIS people...are we all going to convert because its a must? Because if we don't, we'll die? So whoever is reading this, if you know you still have to take that step to deepen your relationship with God, if you know there's that wrong vice in your life, if you have a bad attitude or if you simply never prayed or believed, will you take this step with me?
I honestly just feel so full of God, so fired up, that I just need to move about, or pray or praise God for who He is, for who HE will always be..because guys, This Is Our God!
wrote this now rly randomly..not a poem, just whats on my heart..

Someday its gonna happen
the world's gna say it
its gonna give in

im yours god,
im a jesus person
and u know what?
im proud..
im proud to be who u called me to be,
i can say it, I am yours alone,
To the rest of the world, will you say it with me?
is today the day lord?
or is it a last minute decision?
will you wait a second longer?
'Cos theres no better time than now
so we'll say it, sing it,
shout it,proclaim it,
cry it, scream it,
fight it,pray it...

We Are Your People....