Ahh guys...today I spent a day analysing my life, and where my life's going....and yes I've become a bit paranoid, but I have come up with two new ambitions!
Ambition 1) To find the real me!
Who Am I? Like seriously, how well do I know myself? Do I trust myself? Should I trust myself? How well do I know my weaknesses? How well do i know my positive aspects? Where do I stand with people, family, friends, best friends, and most importantly, God? Who am I becoming? Am I changing? Am I going the right direction? Do I truly love myself? Who do I look up to? What genre of music do I like? What are my fears?
Questions I've been asking myself all day...they got me thinking, a lot! And my conclusion, I hardly know myself!!!! All I know is that I'm a perfectionist, i hate being indecisive, I like to be organised, I'm scared of losing someone I love, I'm scared of ending up alone, I'm following God, I like to adapt myself with different people, I'm sensitive, and that I'm scared of the dark and cockroaches. There could be a couple of more things...but not really important!
Ambition 2) To Accept my Imperfections!!!!
I mentioned that I'm quite a perfectionist before, and well, lately more than ever.I'm even getting emotionally unstable about them.Even the slightest imperfection,even though I KNOW and agree that no ones perfect, let alone me, it's just everything I do, everything I am, I want it to be good,I want it to be accepted, I want God to like it, I want my family to agree, and I want my friends to like it too. If I do something ,I want to do it well. And if something doesn't go well, I feel really guilty, and beat myself up over it!Even the slightest tiniest, most minute situation!From reading in mass to my figure. Yes, I know, you're probably all saying. "huh?" she has a totally imperfect figure, and such an imperfect relationship with God. And no one's perfect, as I said before, but some more than others, I'm not top rated, but I'm trying okay? I actually opened up bout this fully with a best friend of mine...for the first time today xD I'm honestly a perfectionist at heart,I try not to show my disappointment so much usually...
Anyway I think I'll stop here...sorry if I bored you,but I felt I should blog it!
God Bless You All, and you're all free to comment and criticise=P
P.S: This is d best video I found of this song,the words are the best, Stellar Kart- Finish Last =) Enjoy!
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2 comments:
Lol I was really shocked when I read ambition number one cause this week i was thinking about not knowing who i am as well... and well I thought it would sound silly saying I didn't know myself... just 'cause we're kind of stuck with ourselves whether we like it or not and well, you'd think we know ourselves really well... (if that makes any sense at all...) but I guess not.
And you're perfect in God's eyes Am! And in the end that's all that matters... and I know it's hard wanting people to like you and everything you do but you know what I realized this week?
We want people to like us and be our friend right? So we try to seem as perfect as possible... and sometimes it all becomes an act... we end up saying and doing things that we think people will like... and soon we get used to this act and we start acting most of the time... and the person we end up becoming won't be the real us...and we become fake.
So basically, because we can't accept the fact that we're not perfect, we kind of turn into 'happy plastic people under shiny plastic steeples' hehe and that's when we need to start getting to know ourselves better.
So I honestly think your two ambitions come hand in hand... I hope it helps you... I just felt I should write it and risk looking like a blabbing idiot xD (See, I want people to like what I'm saying...=P)
Sorry for the length =/
oh oh! and... just because it's my favourite scripture quote and I think it has to do with this... John 15:18-19
I'm stopping now xD
xxxx
illa ame I think it's going through everyone's mind at the moment =/
you're so so right pupa, non of us are perfect yet in His eyes we're are sooo fearfully and wonderfully made!
well done babe, keep on posting =)
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